Virtual Subsistence
I'm not so sure there is a virtual subsistence. There just is subsistence. I'm also sure no one knew that better than my ancestors.
Even in this modern age we are all striving to survive.
I left Alaska eight years ago. Perhaps it was a strange time for me to leave my home, when it had just become a comfortable home. I grew up torn between cultures. My mother of German-Irish decent, and my father full Athabascan Indian. I lost my father for a long time to alcohol. In losing him, I lost pride in myself. In those days I would rather lie to classmates about my heritage, than admit I was Alaska-Native. It wasn't until I found work at the Alaska Native Medical Center that I found pride in my skin, and felt good in my skin. I learned to laugh with my eyes. I learned to share. I learned so much in those days, and was adopted by many good souls.
In this height of acceptence I felt the draw of the world. I felt like I could take this new found love of myself and achieve anything. I just didn't know what I wanted to achieve. So I followed the wind.
I found myself in Germany. In a rough first six months I managed to tackle, roughly, the language and my homesickness ( of which the latter never leaves.. I think I will always be homesick for Alaska)
It was extremely difficult to harness my shyness, to put on a brave face for the world around me. Somehow I managed.
For a long time I didn't have money to spare outside of food and the roof over my head. Which was quite different from the credit card lifestyle I was accustomed to back home. I couldn't go out to eat when I felt like it. I couldn't rely on retail therapy to pick me up after hard days. That's when I learned some of the most valuable, seemingly intrinsic, skills of my life. I picked needle and thread to revive my wardrobe, and learned to create pieces of art that I felt proud to wear on the poshest streets of europe. I learned to cook. I learned to make things out of nothing.
My happiest hours are spent in quiet contemplation and in the midst of creation. I feel accutely close to something in these states. Close to my ancestors. I am happiest creating to survive.
Not only am I surviving, but I feel I take less from my surroundings. In this world of waste and take, take, take I feel strong in listening to my ancestors. To make. To give. To be.